Cedar Jackson Cat Feeding Policy Graded B-

A pet policy expert has awarded Cedar Jackson Inc. with a rating of B- for their newly revised cat Feeding Policy or CFP. Jeff Friedlander, a partner at Cedar Jackson assessed the policy, which he helped develop with partner Maria Iannarino.

They agreed that the delivery of food to Cedar-Jackson employees Motor, Lucy, and Kingsley twice-daily was necessary to help manage their weight. "He is getting so fat!", Iannarino had said about Kingsley on more than one occasion. "I think the smaller servings are crucial to proper weight management." said Friedlander.

The cats complain that the feedings are few and far between. "Duhh...Yeah." barked Kingsley. "I'm always worried that there won't be enough to go around." said Motor. They also claim to be concerned about the forced weight loss they are due to endure. "I'm afraid I may waste away to nothing." Lucy said softly.

Cedar Jackson released a statement claiming that they understand the cats concerns and are always vigilant for a solution that works for all. "Unfortunately, at this time, we need to take drastic steps to reduce our impact on Cedar Jackson's waste treatment facility." It continues, "We are confident that the cats will quickly become adjusted to the new schedule."

The waste treatment facility has been inundated with cat shit for several months. Despite the operation of two litter boxes, the facility is unable to keep up with the rising piles of shit. "We clean the damn things every few days or whatever." Said a sanitation worker who requested not be named. The boxes have been plagued with vandalism on several occasions. "The spill last week really slowed us down." he said.

Though Cedar Jackson claims the CFP is in a testing phase, they are hoping for success. "It's not a static policy" said Iannarino. "Every other day these cats want food! Get a job!" shouted Friedlander. At this stage, time will tell whether Cedar Jackson decides to revise the CFP. With management infighting, the outcome is still not clear.